Parenting Through Generational Trauma
(Or Why You Yelled “It’s Developmentally Appropriate!” in Target Again)
Let’s get real for a second. Did you assume once you had your own kids, you’d instantly know how to “do better” than your parents? Maybe you imagined endless patience, calm boundaries, and those after-school snack platters you only saw on Instagram. Yet here you are—with a toddler screaming over sock seams and a lump of guilt sitting right in your chest. Maybe you’ve realized: “Wow, my parents’ voices are coming out of my mouth, and not the parts I wanted to repeat.”
Friend, same.
Unpacking the Good, the Bad…and the Spicy Goat Cheese Dip
If you haven’t heard the latest episode of The Real Family Eats (“How to Break Generational Trauma: Jessica Good on Reparenting + Spicy Goat Cheese Dip”)—it’s basically a casserole of real talk, hard-won wisdom, and a seriously amazing goat cheese dip you will want to devour. In the episode, therapist and parent Jessica Good lays it out: parenting will dig up all the buried stuff you thought you already worked through. And nothing brings that inner child to the surface quite like your own kid tossing a shoe across the room—and you hearing the words, “Are you trying to make me crazy?” escape your lips, just like your parents before you.
Sound familiar?
You Are Not a Monster (and You’re Not Alone)
Jessica gets real about growing up with volatile, sometimes harsh parents, and how the pressure to break those cycles as an adult can feel positively crushing. It’s common (and heartbreaking) to carry deep-seated beliefs like “I’m just bad,” or to catch yourself feeling grief that your child is getting the compassion you never received. And let’s be honest: parenting is already tough, but add your own emotional baggage…and it can feel impossible to sort what’s your stuff and what’s their developmental phase.
But here’s the golden nugget: you can choose differently. You can pause (maybe with a crunchy crostini in hand), breathe through that ancient urge to react, and parent your child—and yourself—with kindness you might not have known.
How Do You Actually “Reparent” Yourself While Parenting Your Child?
Here’s the secret sauce Jessica shares:
Notice the triggers: When you feel that old, shame-y reaction bubbling up (you know the one), pause. Ask yourself, “Is this about my kid…or about little me?”
Meet your needs: Sometimes you need to focus on your own feelings first—maybe you compartmentalize a bit, deal with the immediate crisis, and promise to come back and process later (preferably with professional support or a compassionate friend).
Grieve, then grow: There’s real grief in parenting differently than you were parented. It’s okay to feel sad that you needed more, and proud that you’re learning to give it—now—to both your child and your inner child.
Celebrate small wins: Every time you don’t repeat the pattern? High-five yourself (and maybe treat yourself to some of that goat cheese dip).
Ready for Actual Tools (and Not More Mom Guilt)?
Here’s where I get to put on my therapist hat (I promise it’s not a beret). At Embrace Renewal Therapy & Wellness Collective, we know how hard it is to parent from a place of intention instead of reaction—especially when you’re breaking generational cycles. That’s why our Parenting Workshop is designed specifically for parents like you (and, let’s be honest, me). We aren’t just talking gentle parenting—you’ll get real strategies for:
Recognizing and interrupting your own “stuff” (generational trauma, harsh inner critic, guilt…you name it)
Establishing boundaries that feel good (even when you want to give in or yell)
Understanding your partner’s triggers so you work together instead of against each other
Finding small moments to actually enjoy parenting, no matter how spicy (or messy) it gets
You aren’t alone, and you don’t have to do this perfectly—or by yourself. Join a room (or Zoom!) full of parents dedicated to doing it differently, and walk out knowing you actually can.
If This Blog Feels a Little Too on the Nose…It’s For You
Your growth matters. Your relationship matters. And your kid deserves a present, healing version of you (not a perfect one). So if you’re ready to go from surviving your generational baggage to actually thriving in your parenting journey, join our next Parenting Workshop at Embrace Renewal Therapy & Wellness Collective.
Want more tasty tidbits (and emotional support)? Make sure you check out The Real Family Eats podcast for more episodes just like this one—and follow us for the next workshop dates, parenting resources, and the occasional, well-deserved snack recipe.
Because breaking the cycle not only feeds your soul…but sometimes, it comes with goat cheese.
Ready to start your reparenting (and real parenting) journey? Check out our Parenting Classes page and sign up today!
