How to Decide if Parenting is Right for You (and Your Relationship)
Untangling Societal Pressure from Real Desire
If you’re reading this, you probably thought adulthood would come with a manual: one for your appliances, one for your taxes, and (most importantly) one titled How to Know if You Should Have Kids. And yet - spoiler alert - it doesn’t. Instead, society seems to hand us an unspoken flowchart: school ➔ career ➔ long-term partner ➔ marriage ➔ kids. What if you’re staring at that next step and feeling…well, not so sure? Let’s talk about that!
You aren’t broken - You’re intentional! On a recent episode of The Real Family Eats (highly recommend a listen for both foodies and deep-thinkers!), marriage and family therapist Rachel Sorensen got real about her own journey toward parenthood. You might recognize her doubts: “If I say I’m doubting it, does that mean something’s wrong with me? Are people going to assume I won’t be a great mom?” (Raise your hand if you’ve wondered this, even once!)
But here’s the thing: Wondering if being a parent is right for you (and your relationship) isn’t evidence of deficiency. It’s actually a sign you’re being thoughtful - dare I say, brave? After all, having a child is one of the biggest, no-take-backs, no-refund decisions in life. Doesn’t it deserve some healthy hesitation?
Societal Pressure: The sneaky guest at every dinner table
Rachel unpacked how so much of our timeline comes from what everyone else is doing—your friends are having babies, your family asks when, not if, and it seems like everyone just assumes this is your logical next move. Let me normalize this for you: It is hard to separate your true desires from everyone else’s expectations. (“Keeping up with the Joneses” isn’t just for cars and landscaping - it infiltrates our family planning, too.)
What if your hesitation isn’t a “no,” but an invitation to pause and clarify? This is where the work gets juicy (and let’s be honest - a little uncomfortable). Feeling dread or fear about parenthood? You’re not alone. For many of us, it’s less about the baby and more about losing control or not knowing how life will look: Can I balance a career, my marriage, my mental health, and a tiny human? What will this do to my relationship?
Here’s your permission slip to be methodical about this decision. Rachel recommends getting curious - read The Baby Decision by Merle Bombardieri (seriously, write that down), talk openly with your partner, and know it’s okay if you haven’t always dreamed of parenthood from age six onward.
How does this impact your relationship? This is the nutty center of all these parenting discussions, isn’t it? You’re not just pondering a kid - you’re considering a massive shift in your partnership. Are we on the same page? Are we ready (emotionally, relationally, logistically)? Can we make space for us once baby makes three?
If these are the questions keeping you up at night (instead of the crying baby, for now!), this is your sign: Couples therapy isn’t just for “problems,” it’s also for preparation.
Why a Couples Therapy Intensive Is Your Secret Power Move
At Embrace Renewal Therapy & Wellness Collective, I get to work with so many couples sitting right where you are. Our Couples Therapy Intensives are designed for parents and parents-to-be who want to invest in their relationship wellness before, during, or after big transitions like parenthood.
We’ll untangle fears, clarify values (what do you actually want?), and help you find practical ways to honor your relationship, even as your family grows or changes. It’s not about pressuring you down any particular path; it’s about helping you make the decision that’s healthiest for you and your partnership.
Ready to get intentional?
Whether you’re firming up your “yes,” staring at a “maybe,” or suspecting your best life is child-free, you deserve guidance with zero judgment - just actionable support.
Curious about how a Couples Therapy Intensive could help? Let’s connect! Click here to learn more about our intensives, check out upcoming dates, or schedule a free consult.
And for more raw, real talk from fellow parents (and pesto polenta recipes!), check out The Real Family Eats podcast. Find all the links and extra support resources right in our show notes.
Let’s honor your thoughtful pause. Your wellness and your relationship - deserve nothing less.
