The Secret Parenting Hack No One Told You About and Why It Matters
Permission Granted: Investing in Yourself Is the Most Important Parenting Hack (Yes, Really!)
Okay, real talk, parent to parent: When’s the last time you actually put yourself first? And no, I don’t mean picking the TV show after bedtime or sneaking a piece of your kid’s Halloween candy (no judgment there, by the way). I mean saying, out loud or in action, “I matter, too. My mental health and happiness are not optional items on the family menu.” Would you believe me when I say this is actually the “parenting hack” you’ve been searching for?
Let me take a wild guess at your answer … it’s been a while? As a couples therapist specializing in helping parents, I hear these stories every single day. You want to do right by your kids. You want strong family connections. You want your little (or not so little) ones to grow up knowing they’re loved and cared for. So you do the thing: you push yourself to the edge, sacrifice, keep giving from a cup that, if you’re being honest, is looking pretty dusty. Sound familiar?
Why We Put Ourselves Last - And Why That’s a Recipe for Parenting Burnout
Let’s not sugarcoat it: Parenting is hard. Not Instagram-staged, perfectly-messy-bun hard, but sometimes-crying-on-the-bathroom-floor hard. Single parenting? Even tougher. If you were nodding along to any part of Renee Jorg’s story on a recent episode of The Real Family Eats podcast episode, you know exactly what I mean. Renee shared how for years she put her needs last, thinking she was protecting her kids by holding a struggling marriage together, even after it stopped working. Sound familiar?
Spoiler: She (and her amazing, resilient kids) made it through, but not without weathering storms of guilt, loneliness, and judgment - both internal and external. And in the end, do you know what made the difference? When Renee finally gave herself permission to invest in her own wellness. To believe that “kids first” meant “mom first, too.”
That’s right. Believe it or not, your wellness isn’t selfish. Your relationship wellness isn’t selfish - it is the single greatest investment you can make in your kids.
The Science (and Real-Life Messiness) of Putting Yourself First As a Parenting Hack
You’ve heard the old “put your oxygen mask on first” advice, right? Flight attendants didn’t invent that just to mess with tired parents. It’s science: You literally cannot pour from an empty cup. When you model taking care of yourself, whether that’s through therapy, a break, setting boundaries, or finally signing up for the couples support you know you need, you’re not just surviving parenthood … you’re teaching your kids how to thrive, too.
But let’s get real. Giving yourself permission is hard, especially when the world is telling you otherwise. You may be hearing echoes of “You’re breaking up the family,” or “Just stick it out for the kids,” or “If you ask for help, you’re failing.” (If you need to, re-read what Renee said: “It’s not your fault. You can only do your best. And sometimes, your best is choosing YOU.”)
Actually stepping out and choosing you, choosing your wellness, choosing your relationship - is hard work. It is going against the grain against a society that has internalized that self-sacrifice is required and necessary to be considered a “good parent.” Well, I’m here to tell you that society is wrong. And you are right to trust that voice in you that is screaming “there must be another way.”
Here’s Where I Come In: Parenting Therapy Is Actually About Your Whole Family
If you’re feeling lonely, overwhelmed, burnt out, or like your relationship is suffering (or all of the above, because that’s a hat trick we never wanted but often wear), I want you to know: you don’t have to go it alone. Getting support isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a game-changer. Choosing you and your relationship is what will actually make space for thriving.
That’s why our individual therapy for parents is my top pick from our offerings this week. Yes, we have couples therapy, workshops, intensives, and all things relationship-building (and those are fantastic if that’s your jam right now!). But if something in Renee’s story hit home because you are feeling stuck, tired, or as if you have lost your sense of self, I invite you to consider individual therapy. It’s a chance to put yourself first, to heal old wounds, build resilience, and come back to your family grounded and whole.
A Loving Challenge: Give Yourself Permission
What if you could embrace wellness not just for your kids, but for you? What if thriving wasn’t just aspirational, but honestly attainable … even for tired, guilt-ridden, over-caffeinated parents everywhere?
If this got your wheels turning (or your heart pounding), first: virtual hug. Second: reach out. Whether you want to test the waters with a phone call or dive right in, I’m here and I get it. You’re not alone.
Your kids deserve a thriving parent. And so do you.
Ready to take the first step? Learn more about our individual therapy for parents here and check out more episodes of The Real Family Eats where you’ll hear how other parents are working to redefine parenthood - because you really are allowed to put yourself first. And sometimes, permission is the best parenting hack of all.
Because the struggle is real, but so is the community waiting to support you.
