How to Date Your Spouse in the Chaos of Parenting
Parenting often pushes love and connection to the background.
Between diaper changes, school drop-offs, work deadlines, and never-ending to-do lists, it’s easy to feel like the person you once were—and the partner you used to be—have slowly faded. In Episode 68 of French Kissing Life, host Shawnna Stiver is joined by Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Reesa Morala, LMFT, to talk about what it really takes for parents to reclaim closeness, respect, and identity even when life pulls in every direction.
Reesa offers an honest look at the emotional terrain of parenting: the exhaustion, the competing priorities, and the subtle ways resentment builds when connection is neglected. But rather than idealized advice, she shares hopeful, humble, and hands-on strategies that are designed for real families living real lives.
Why Connection Matters in Parenting
When connection slips away, families often feel the impact. Resentment creeps in when partners don’t feel seen, and small disagreements can spiral into larger conflicts. Reesa reminds parents that protecting their relationship is not selfish—it is the foundation of family stability. Kids thrive when they see their caregivers treat each other with respect, consistency, and kindness.
Connection doesn’t require elaborate gestures or grand getaways. It can be built in minutes: a six-second kiss, a shared laugh over dinner, or a nightly ritual that brings you back to one another. These small acts signal care, reinforce trust, and help parents feel like true partners rather than just co-managers of the household.
The Power of Values and Boundaries
One of the central themes of this episode is defining relationship essentials. Reesa encourages couples to name their shared values and non-negotiables—whether that’s respect, honesty, humor, or teamwork. These values act as guardrails during stressful times, preventing couples from drifting too far apart.
Boundaries are equally important. Without them, parents can easily become overextended, pouring into every obligation but leaving nothing for themselves or each other. By setting clear boundaries, couples create space to protect both their relationship and their own well-being.
Reclaiming Identity as a Parent
It’s common for parents to feel as though their identity is consumed by caregiving. Reesa emphasizes that you don’t stop being yourself when you become a parent. In fact, reclaiming hobbies, passions, and self-expression strengthens your sense of self and brings new energy into your partnership. A partner who feels grounded in their own identity has more to contribute emotionally and relationally.
Identity work is not indulgence—it’s essential. When parents nurture their own joy, they model resilience and authenticity for their children.
Real Communication Over Polished Conversations
Too often, parents believe that communication has to be calm, polished, and perfectly phrased. But in reality, honesty—even when messy—is far more valuable. Reesa encourages couples to speak openly about their needs, frustrations, and hopes without fear of “getting it wrong.”
Honest communication builds trust. It creates space for repair after arguments and helps partners better understand one another’s perspectives. Over time, this openness strengthens the relationship far more than carefully curated words ever could.
Consistency Over Perfection
The truth is, no family will ever achieve perfection. Dishes pile up, patience runs thin, and life throws curveballs. Reesa’s message is clear: thriving relationships are built on consistency, not flawless execution. Showing up for each other in small ways, over and over again, builds a steady foundation of trust and love.
Perfection pressures parents into shame and disappointment, but consistency offers hope and growth.
Key Takeaways for Parents
Build connection through rituals — even a few minutes a day can re-anchor your relationship.
Define relationship essentials — shared values reduce misalignment and resentment.
Identity doesn’t fade with parenting — reclaiming yourself enriches your family.
Honest communication matters more than polish — authenticity builds trust.
Consistency beats perfection — steady presence creates security and love.
If you’re in Murrieta, CA or anywhere across California, learn more about my couples intensives and couples workshops for more support.
