Breaking Free from Old Patterns
How Your Childhood Plays Into Your Relationship (And How to Rewire It)
Have you ever caught yourself mid-argument with your partner thinking, “Wait, haven’t I said/done/yelled this before… like, five relationships ago?” Maybe you notice that you’re magnetically drawn to the same type of partner, let’s call it “the emotionally unavailable magician”—you know, the one who disappears right when things get real? (Poof! They’re gone, and your self-esteem is taking center stage once again.)
If you’re nodding along, trust me: you are not alone. As a parent exhausted not only from keeping tiny humans alive, but also from the daily hustle, adding “untangle my relationship patterns” to your to-do list might sound about as appealing as stepping on Legos barefoot. But what if I told you that getting real with yourself and your relationship now is one of the most loving things you can do for your family’s future?
Why do I keep doing this? Seriously, why?!
It’s a question we all ask, usually after the third replay of an argument, the umpteenth disappointment, or in the slow realization that our best intentions somehow keep landing us in the same frustrating place. The latest episode of The Real Family Eats podcast, where Julie Hernandez shares her own story, was a powerful reminder that these patterns tend to track back, sometimes way back, to the kind of love and attention we knew as kids.
If, like Julie, you grew up in a house where affection was sporadically handed out - say, between your parents’ work shifts or after a particularly spectacular report card - your brain might have literally been wired to interpret those intense “dopamine hits” of affection as love. And guess what? When you become an adult, that old wiring goes looking for the same roller coaster (cue: picking partners who also dole out love and attention in unpredictable doses).
You get a relationship! And you get a relationship!
Spoiler alert: Oprah isn’t coming to hand out healthy relationships like cars. If you’ve realized that your relationship history looks more like a rerun of the same telenovela, that awareness is a win in itself. (Yay you!) But what comes next? How do you break the cycle and model a new version of “healthy love” for your kiddos?
Here’s where Couples Therapy for Parents comes in.
(If you just rolled your eyes or pictured a stuffy office with awkward silence, stick with me for a sec.)
At Embrace Renewal Therapy & Wellness Collective, I specialize in helping parents become the cycle-breakers for their families without shame, blame, or guilt. Couples therapy isn’t about proving who’s right (although, let’s be real, sometimes we all want a trophy for that). It’s about peeling back the “why” behind your reactions and discovering how to be partners in this wild ride called parenting (rather than accidental adversaries stuck in autopilot).
Here’s why couples therapy, especially for parents, can be a game-changer:
You’ll spot the old wiring. We explore how your own upbringing is impacting your relationship today and help you gently un-wire what no longer serves you.
You’ll develop new, practical communication skills. (Think: less triggered, more heard.)
You’ll learn to co-regulate, not just with your children, but with your partner.
You’ll model to your kids that healthy love is possible and worth investing in.
Most importantly? You’ll actually get space to focus on your wellness, because let’s be honest, parents rarely get that outside of the bathroom (and even that's not guaranteed).
Ready to break the cycle? Here's your invitation.
If you’re tired of feeling stuck, if you’re ready for your relationship to be fueled by mutual support (not just coffee and sheer willpower), couples therapy for parents could be your next best step. You don’t have to do it alone. And your kids will absolutely benefit from seeing you prioritize healthy partnership.
Want more insights like these and some tasty, real-life stories? Listen to the How to Break Free from Toxic Relationship Patterns episode of The Real Family Eats podcast. And when you’re ready to create new patterns for yourself and your family, reach out to schedule your couples therapy session at Embrace Renewal Therapy & Wellness Collective.
Because letting go of the old, and embracing the new? It’s the best family tradition you can start today.
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To book a consultation or learn more about couples therapy for parents, click below.
